Welcome!

[Jenn23]

Hi Shan,

I appreciate your comment but would like to add my own two cents. First, I am marrying my Indian fiance in two months (In India) and his family couldn't be any happier for us. They knew about me (that I'm white, American) from the start and had no issues/problems with our relationship. They are happy that HE is happy and just wanted to make sure that we were committed, happy, loving and caring towards one another, etc. In our case, the caste issue doesn't exist (I know for others it does) so I take offense in your comment, "White americans are totally clueless on the dynamics of caste..."  This may be relevant for some, but definately not for me. I'm not "clueless" about anything. (At least not in this matter) Finally, there is needless heartbreak from many types of relationships with many types of people from many different places. I see it so much here in the U.S. and all around the world. I think the statement you made is very sterotypical and not applicable for many people on this and similar forums. He and I never imagined falling in love with somebody from a different culture, country, religion, etc. but we couldn't be happier and same goes with his family. So while I appreciate your opinion, I disagree wholeheartedly.

[mpathak]

hi shan!
welcome! i'm very interested in your comments. i do think that some people are able to escape the prejudices that might arise...like in the case of my husband and i...we have largely been able to escape the dynamics of caste due to the fact that my husband's family had already broken some social protocols in other ways...the heaviest brunt of breaking tradition was taken in his family by the generation before ours...someone paid the price...but it wasn't us.
i have seen other people have a very difficult time though...and what has surprised me most i think is that it seems that most families would be willing to accept the breaking of tradition, if it wasn't for the fear of being socially stigmatized. it sometimes seems that people are more influenced by what others think, than by what they actually believe...which is hard to grasp sometimes for me. the strength of community is something that i really love about indian culture...loving community is such an amazing thing. i wish we knew how to live in community better in the west...but on the other hand, i hate to see community used to control and manipulate people, which seems to be a danger at times. i've had some friends go through some pretty intense emotional blackmail...
anyways...i think this is an interesting topic...